Monday, March 05, 2007

Those were the days

Eleanor Hall interviews P. J. Keating on The World Today, erm, today, about the Brian Burke beat-up:

'PAUL KEATING: Oh, look, it's just Howard being Howard, isn't it, you know. The little desiccated coconut's under pressure and he's attacking anything he can get his hands on.

You know, I mean, look, Brian Burke and Julian Grill, they're the Arthur Daley and Terry of the Western Australian Labor Party, you know. They're like the wallpaper over there. You can't visit Perth without running into them ...

Look, look, Kevin has done something, he's met Brian Burke. But I'll tell you what he hasn't done - he hasn't lied to his nation about reasons for committing Australia to a non-UN sponsored invasion and war. He hasn't turned his head from the plight of a boat full of wretched individuals looking for shelter, and then adding insult to injury by saying they threw their kids overboard first, you know. And he hasn't prostituted the UN Oil-for-Food program by falsely declaring that Australia's wheat shipments were not ultra vires of the UN guidelines.

...I mean, look, you know, Howard has, you know, lied to the country about the reasons for going to war, going to war for God's sake, and now he wants us to believe it's a major problem if Kevin Rudd meets Brian Burke, you know, Brian who?

ELEANOR HALL: What did you think of Peter Costello's performance in the parliament, though, when he raised this?

PAUL KEATING: Well, the thing about poor old Costello, he's all tip and no iceberg ... he can throw a punch across the parliament, but the bloke he should be throwing the punch to is Howard. Of course, he doesn't have the ticker for it.

Now, he's now been treasurer for 11 years, the old coconut's still sitting there, Araldited to the seat ...

ELEANOR HALL: Has the Government, though, now taken the high moral ground with this by removing Minister Campbell?

PAUL KEATING: Look, for John Howard to get to any high moral ground he would have to first climb out of the volcanic hole he's dug for himself over the last decade. You know, it's like one of those deep diamond-mine holes in South Africa, you know, they're about a mile underground. He'd have to come a mile up to get to even equilibrium, let alone have any contest in morality with Kevin Rudd.

Now, my advice to Kevin is to move on, let Mr Howard, you know, he'd ... you can always tell when he's twitchy, the old shoulder starts going, and I notice on the TV lately the shoulder's going. He's in trouble.'


I miss him.


nailpolishblues said...

Ah, John Howard as a twitchy little ferret.

This is the best laugh I've had all day.

lynn white said...

ah, that was lovely. Thanks PC.

lucy tartan said...

blood oath, yes. As I said to tthe radio just a couple of hours ago: come back, Paul, we need you.

Francis Xavier Holden said...

I heard him live on radio. I don't get nostalgic for much but PJK is a sought after collectors item.

tigtog said...

I think the dessicated coconut bit is definitely going to stick. I await the cartoonists' take on it with anticip


Pavlov's Cat said...

I liked the bit about him being Araldited to the seat.

Is 'Araldite' still a universally understood synonym for 'glue with a death-grip', though? I ask because I went into an undies shop today in search of Bonds Cottontails of a particular style and colour for a friend of a friend who's living in France and can't get them. No sooner had I walked into the shop than I was accosted by a salesgirl of nine or ten who asked if she could help me. When I asked for Bonds Cottontails she looked completely bewildered. 'What,' she said, in an impeccable Adelaide accent -- we can't pronounce a terminal L here to save ourselves, you understand -- 'are Cottontows?'

I was reminded, as I so often am, of a local news broadcast here a few years ago that I was listening to from out in the kitchen, and that seemed to be about something called 'Christmas sows'. It was only when I went into the lounge room, images of pork crackling dancing in my head, and read the newsreader's lips that I realised she was talking about the Christmas sales.

comicstriphero said...

Get him his own talkback radio show.

Or better yet, let him present the news.

Keating-nostalgia = 'Paulstalgia'?

meggie said...

AH, so nice ot meet people of like mind, as in missing Paul.

genevieve said...


PC, I thought you were going to tell us a nice story about Cottontails and Araldite. I'm a little disappointed :)

Confused said...

What does it mean when you call someone a "desiccated coconut"?

Melbcity said...

Check out Red Symons take on the interview with Paul Keating.

sexy11 said...