'I beg your pardon?' = 'I don't care what you said, you wanker'
'Excuse me' = 'Get out of my way'
'Thank you' = 'Ew, what's this rubbish?'
'Please' = 'Hand it over before I rip your arm off'
'How do you do?' = 'I don't care if you're bleeding from the ears'
'Lovely to meet you' = 'Someone get me away from this psycho'
'Peace' = 'War'
'Black' = 'White'
'Sorry' = 'I'm not sorry, and this is not an apology.'
UPDATE: Stephanie has sent me this wonderfully illustrative Nicholson animation.
5 comments:
You're being unfair to rodents.
On my way to work this morning, I saw two rats in a garden. They had obviously just performed a successful IDS mission on the nest of some Indian Mynahs and were making their egress. Unfortunately they had to break cover and exposed themselves to enemy air patrols.
I found myself desperately wishing that I had a couple of rodent-sized shoulder-mounted SAM launchers with which I could supply them, but while I weighed other options (sanctions against the Indian Mynahs don't seem to be working) the two brave rats, covering one another in correct small patrol fashion, made it to the safety of the hedge.
Politicians...grrrr.
It was Howard's own ego that led him to distinguish between feeling sorry for people and apologising - ie empathy as opposed to responsibility. And now he's accusing the Opposition of playing word games. He was happy to take rseponsibility for keeping interest rates at record lows at the last election. Comeuppance is a-coming.
"I am not an English teacher" = "goodness me, these denunciations of my use of 'weasel words' are now coming from conservative quarters as well!"
"aggregate impression" = "adding black to white then dividing by two gives a beautiful suffusion of grey"
"union bosses" = "Crosby-Textor infinitely-repeatable phrase I"
"who do you trust to better manage the economy?" = "Crosby-Textor infinitely-repeatable question I"
"inexperienced leader" = "Crosby-Textor infinitely-repeatable phrase II"
blah blah blah - sorry.
"With all due respect..." - "You low life peasant"
"That is simply offensive..." - "I can't think of any good argument against what you're saying off the cuff, so this'll do"
"Mr Spoiker!" - "If I keep on padding my replies out like this I won't have to think up so much actual content"
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