'I beg your pardon?' = 'I don't care what you said, you wanker'
'Excuse me' = 'Get out of my way'
'Thank you' = 'Ew, what's this rubbish?'
'Please' = 'Hand it over before I rip your arm off'
'How do you do?' = 'I don't care if you're bleeding from the ears'
'Lovely to meet you' = 'Someone get me away from this psycho'
'Peace' = 'War'
'Black' = 'White'
'Sorry' = 'I'm not sorry, and this is not an apology.'
UPDATE: Stephanie has sent me this wonderfully illustrative Nicholson animation.